Tag Archives: Humor

Call Me By My Divine Pronoun

From now on you have to call me, “Your Highness.” I’m not a Mr., Mrs., Miss, Mz, man or woman or any of those other things. From now on call me “Your Highness” and do what I say! Here all this time I thought I was a man and turns out I’m not; I’m a god!
And just so you know, I’m suing the world for making me think I’m a man all this time. Not only will you serve me, but you will pay me.

Look What Is Responsible For 100% Of All Recorded Fatalities

Although man will live forever, death looks certain. According to a report from…

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND–World Health Organization officials expressed disappointment Monday at the group’s finding that, despite the enormous efforts of doctors, rescue workers and other medical professionals worldwide, the global death rate remains constant at 100 percent.

Death, a metabolic affliction causing total shutdown of all life functions, has long been considered humanity’s number one health concern. Responsible for 100 percent of all recorded fatalities worldwide, the condition has no cure.

WHO Director General Dr. Gernst Bladt said, “I was really hoping, what with all those new radiology treatments, rescue helicopters, aerobics TV shows and what have you, that we might at least make a dent in it this year,”. “Unfortunately, it would appear that the death rate remains constant and total, as it has inviolably since the dawn of time.”

Many are suggesting that the high mortality rate represents a massive failure on the part of the planet’s health care workers.
“The inability of doctors and scientists to adequately address this issue of death is nothing less than a scandal,” concerned parent Marcia Gretto said. “Do you have any idea what a full-blown case of death looks like? Well, I do, and believe me, it’s not pretty. In prolonged cases, total decomposition of the corpse is the result.” “What about the children?” the visibly moved Gretto added.

Robert Hemmlin of Citizens for Safety said, “At this early date, I don’t want to start making broad generalizations, but it is beginning to seem possible that birth–as well as the subsequent life cycle that follows it–may be a serious safety risk for all those involved.”

Experts say death affects not only the dead, but the non-dead as well. “Those who suffer from death can be highly traumatized by it, often so severely that it kills them,” noted therapist Eli Wasserbaum said. “But it can also be very traumatic for the still-living who are left behind. The sudden cessation of metabolic activity characteristic of terminal cases of death often leaves the dead person in a position where they are unable to adequately provide for the emotional needs of their loved ones.”

Jesus, putting an end to the agony of death since 30 A.D. ~ Acts 2:24

You May Call Me A Dreamer

Imagine there’s no more toilet paper.
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine everyone’s out of toilet paper
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
Not even a single sheet
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one