The value of poetry and song is they give expression to the inexpressible.  Sometimes the struggles of life brings you to moments where your thoughts are locked inside your head demanding to come out but you can’t speak.  At times like these you want a friend or counselor to help you but they are too hard to find or too distant to even understand.  You turn to song or poetry to help.

Dec 14, 2008 I posted the song Lonely Moon which talked about a man who only wanted “to love and to be loved.”  He wanted a simple life but it became complicated.  Not at his own choosing but as a consequence of a mixed up society, maybe, who can say for certain?  Nonetheless, I could related to the suggestions given in the artwork, song, and lyrics.  I posted that song after hearing news of how my brother would not be able to visit at Christmas as we had hoped; the first Christmas after our Mom had passed away.  It was sad news and the reason why was even more disconcerting.  Hence, the anguish inside me and a search for a song.  This song seemed related to his circumstances.  It reminded me of the deficiencies of life, our battle in life, and in the end comforted me. These struggles are all to often shared by others.  Somehow there is comfort in knowing you are not alone, that we are all in the boat together.

Now, as of yesterday, once again I hear painful news of one of my brothers.  It was so distressing I cried.  I wake this morning finding my mind already at work searching for a place to rest.  Once again I  turn to poetry and song.  The beat of Dan Fogelberg’s song The River plays in the background of my head.  I’m not sure what all the lyrics mean but somehow I think they depict our struggle with the meaning of life.  I get this picture in my head as I read his lyrics of a saw positioned above me ready to saw me in two.  On one side of the saw is tradition and on the other side is my will pulling the other way. In turn they pull back and forth and in the end I am cut in two.  I’m left there on the floor two piles of flesh and blood and nothing more – no spirit, no value, just nothing.  All I cherish and love, all I have worked for is tossed to the wind.

The River by Dan Fogelberg (click to play)

I was born by a river
Rolling past a town
Given no direction
Just told to keep my head down.
As I took my position
A man fired a gun
I was so steeped in tradition
That I could not run.

We come into the world in bondage to our tradition without choice.  We grow to know we are an individual but don’t know how to distinguish ourselves in a way that is truly reflective of who we are.  (I think of the troubling teen years.)

I was raised by a river
Weaned upon the sky
And in the mirror of the waters
I saw myself learn to cry.
As my tears hit the surface
I saw what had been done.
I gave feet to my freedom
And I did run.

The painful experiences and let downs of early life wake us up.  We see more clearly now who we are and what we want.  We break away from tradition (the river?) and become an individual (captain of my soul).

Someday later
I saw the writing in the dust
It told me how I should travel
It told me who I was.

Maybe this is a reference to the Good Book (The Bible) or some other spiritual or universal truth that spans time.  It comes from the outside (not something we figure out on our own) but it explains the facts of life.  Generally, this is not good news.  It explains how you are defective and live in a fallen world.

I ran far from the river
Far as I could see
And as the sun hit my shoulders
I felt it burning me.
How I longed for the waters
As the fire raged
How I longed for the river
As I aged.

Left with the sobering truth about life  you determine to improve yourself and the world.  A noble cause but filled with all the same hardships as before if not more because of your increased understanding.  You don’t fear the river any longer but now consider it an ally.

I will die by a river
As it rolls away
Bury me in the nighttime
Do not waste the day.
High above the waters
That roll on to the sea.
All the angels in heaven will
laugh at me.
They will laugh at me.

Life chews you up and spits you out.  It leaves you empty and dizzy with no direction.  If you can’t ascribe your own meaning then you are nothing but dust and that becomes apparent to all.

My life was naught but a river
Rolling through my brain
Made of so many teardrops
Made of so much pain.

The river in your mind is nothing but a stream that feeds the bigger river described at the bigging.  The cycle will be repeated with the next generation.  There is no conclusion to the song as there is no conclusion to life.  It goes on just as meaningless as it began.  The beat of the music makes me think of how unforgiving life is and how it demands a certain respect from us all the time giving nothing in return and leaving us in a vacuum devoid of meaning.