How to Develop Genuine Compassion

Perhaps you are questioning whether you have the kind of compassion Jesus and Paul had, or perhaps you are wondering how to develop such compassion. Fortunately, the Bible does not merely give us these examples, it tells us how we can emulate them. The following suggestions about developing compassion toward others are taken from Scripture.

Think about how you would feel if you were in the counselee’s position.

Many passages that refer to Jesus’ compassion state first that he “saw” the people or He “looked upon” them. For instance, Matthew 9:36 says, “Seeing the multitudes, He felt compassion for them” (emphasis added). And the account of the mourning widow states, “When the Lord saw her, He felt compassion for her” (Luke 7:13).6 These verses indicate that Jesus looked thoughtfully at others who were experiencing difficulty; He put Himself in their place and intentionally tried to feel what they were feeling. His compassion for them arose from this empathy. Hebrews 4:15 says that even now in heaven He is “touched with the feeling of our infirmities” (kjv).

Consider again the case of Clara. She quickly concluded that her counselor was not sympathetic with her. All she sensed from him was condemnation. He needed to listen to her complaints and concerns before he tried to understand how she felt. Before responding, he could have asked himself, “What would it be like for me to come home to a wife who was wasting all of our money on alcohol? What would it be like to have a wife calling me names, scratching me, and throwing things at me? What would it be like to have a wife who didn’t care about what I thought or what I said? What would it be like for me to come home and find my wife in my bed with another man? How would I feel? What emotions would I be experiencing?”

This is where the counseling process must start. And although the sin problems must be addressed and solved, in most cases, effective counseling cannot occur until the counselor has shown the counselee the compassion of Christ by identifying with his or her struggles.

Think of the counselee as a family member.

Paul says in 1 Timothy 5:1–2, “Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters.” When I counsel, I deliberately try to imagine how I would treat one of my close relatives. I ask myself, how would I talk to them? How would I proceed if this were my mother or my father or my brother or my sister sitting across the desk from me? In reality, our counselees are our spiritual brothers and sisters, and our heavenly Father demands that they be treated as such.

Think about your own sinfulness.

Galatians 6:1 instructs and cautions counselors: “Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted” (emphasis added). When we become aware of sin in the counselee’s life, we must always remember that we are not immune to sin ourselves; we can fall into it just as easily as anyone else. No one has done anything that we could not do, but for the grace of God. If we keep this in mind we will avoid becoming self-righteous or condescending toward those who sin. Instead, we will reach out to them in compassion just as Jesus did to the adulterous woman (John 8:1–11).

Think about practical ways to show compassion.

In reality, compassion is not so much an emotion as it is a choice of the will. Even if we do not feel like being kind to someone, we can still be kind (cf. Luke 6:27–28). Often, feelings of love for others follow the decision to act in a way that pleases and benefits them. Use the following questions to help you determine whether you are demonstrating genuine compassion toward your counselees:

• Have you told your counselees that you care for them? (Phil. 1:8)
• Have you prayed for them and with them? (Col. 4:12–13)
• Have you rejoiced and grieved with them? (Rom. 12:15)
• Have you dealt with them gently and tenderly? (Matt. 12:20)
• Have you been tactful with them? (Prov. 15:23)
• Have you spoken graciously to them? (Col. 4:6)
• Have you continued to love and accept them even when they have rejected your counsel? (Mark 10:21)
• Have you defended them against those who mistreat and accuse them? (Matt. 12:1–7)
• Have you forgiven them for any wrong they have done to you? (Matt. 18:21–22)
• Have you been willing to meet their physical needs if necessary? (1 John 3:17)     

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