Instilling Hope in the Counselee

Biblical change cannot take place without hope—especially in the difficult situations we face as counselors. People who have had life-shattering experiences like divorce, a death of a loved one, or a loss of a job need hope. People who have faced the same problem for a long time need hope. People who have sincerely tried to solve their problems and failed need hope. People who have compounded their initial problems with other unbiblical responses need hope. People whose problems have been wrongly described need hope, and people whose hopes have been dashed repeatedly need hope. If we want to help any of these people, we must make sure that inspiration and hope are operative elements in our counseling.

The Biblical Emphasis on Hope

The role of hope in the process of sanctification cannot be underestimated. Consider what Scripture says about its many contributions to that process:

• Hope produces joy that remains even through the most difficult trials (Prov. 10:28; Rom. 5:2–3; 12:12; 1 Thess. 4:13).
• Hope produces perseverance (Rom. 8:24–25).
• Hope produces confidence (2 Cor. 3:12; Phil. 1:20).
• Hope produces effective ministry (2 Cor. 4:8–18).
• Hope produces greater faith and love (Col. 1:4–5).
• Hope produces consistency (1 Thess. 1:3).
• Hope produces increased energy and enthusiasm (1 Tim. 4:10).
• Hope produces stability (Heb. 6:19).
• Hope produces a more intimate relationship with God (Heb. 7:19).
• Hope produces personal purity (1 John 3:3).

Since the Bible places such emphasis on the role of hope in spiritual growth, it must be a strong emphasis in our counseling as well.

Contrasting True and False Hope

Most counselors, both Christian and non-Christian, realize that people with problems need hope. Unfortunately, however, the hope that many counselors provide is a false hope that rests on an unbiblical foundation and will inevitably crumble (Prov. 10:28; 11:7). It is important to understand the difference between this false hope and the true hope that the Bible describes.

Characteristics of False Hope

False hope is based on human ideas of what is pleasurable and desirable. Many people think that their problems will disappear if they can just get what they want—and sometimes counselors encourage them in that error by promising or intimating that their desires will be satisfied. This is a serious mistake, because God never promises us that we will get everything we want, nor does He even tell us that getting what we want will make us happy. Often what we want is not what is best for us, and a name-it-and-claim-it approach to our desires only compounds our problems. When a certain lady came for counseling concerning severe financial difficulties, her counselor discovered that her problems resulted from this kind of thinking. She had visited a car dealership, walked around a Lincoln Town Car seven times, laid hands on it, and “claimed” it from the Lord. God did not provide the money to pay for it, of course, and now she was in dire straits financially.

This is an extreme example, but many people cling to similar false hopes. They think, “If I could just get married, my problems would be solved,” or “If I could get a better job, I would be nicer to live with.” Unfortunately, the objects of their desire are physical rather than spiritual and temporal rather than heavenly. Because God has not promised them freedom from tribulation in this world (John 16:33; cf. James 1:2–4), they become disillusioned when they do not get what they want.

False hope is based on a denial of reality.

I once counseled a young man who wanted to make his living as a musician. Some of his friends encouraged him in this pursuit because they did not want to hurt him. But, in reality, he did not have any musical ability. He thought he did, but he did not. So as a counselor I needed to point him in another direction rather than perpetuate a false hope.

I also remember a young lady whose husband left her and whose well-meaning friends continually told her they were sure he would come back. When she asked me about this in counseling, I had to say repeatedly, “I don’t know. What I do know is that God can use this in your life to make you a greater woman of God, and if that happens you have benefited from the situation. I wish I could tell you for sure that your husband is going to come back, but I cannot do that.”

“All my friends tell me my husband will come back,” she said to me once, “and every time I come here, instead of encouraging me, you discourage me.” I then asked her why she kept coming back to me for counseling, and she replied that it was because she knew I would tell her the truth. Deep inside she knew that her friends were bending reality in an attempt to comfort her, and that provided no true comfort.

False hope is based on mystical or magical thinking.

Sometimes Christians place their hope in fanciful ideas that have no biblical substance. For example, some people’s approach to daily devotions is “a verse a day keeps the devil away.” They read their Bible every morning as a magical rite to ward off trouble. If they happen to miss their devotions one time, they suffer throughout the day in fear.

Certainly we should begin the day with God by having devotions in the morning, but we must recognize that there is no mystical power in that activity. In fact, Bible reading (and even memorization) only benefits us when we understand and apply the Scriptures to our lives. Only the person who “looks intently” at the Word and is an “effectual doer” of the Word will be blessed in what he or her does (James 1:25).

False hope is based on an unbiblical view of prayer.

One of the questions on the personal inventory sheets we use in counseling1 is “What have you done about your problem?” Under that question, counselees will sometimes write that they have prayed about it and nothing else. When we talk with them further, we find that they believe prayer is all God requires them to do. One such man, who was having constant problems with sexual sin, was angry at God because God had not taken away his problems in response to his prayer.

This can be called the “quarterback approach” to spirituality—we pass the ball or hand it off to God (by praying) and expect Him to run it across the goal line without any help from us. But such an approach only creates a false hope, because God never promised that we could reach the goal of godliness without strenuous personal effort (1 Tim. 4:7b). We need His divine strength to succeed (John 15:5), and that is where prayer comes in, but prayer alone will seldom solve our problems.

In Matthew 6:11 Jesus said that we should pray, “Give us this day our daily bread.” But in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 Paul says, “If any one will not work, neither let him eat.” These two commands are not contrary, for while we are to pray that God will provide the things we need to live, we must not expect them to fall from heaven. We need to work for them with the strength God gives us. So even the hope we place in prayer can be false if we hope that prayer alone will take care of everything.

False hope is based on an improper interpretation of Scripture.

Many Christians suffer from the errors of eisogesis, the practice of reading personal meaning into a text rather than drawing the author’s true meaning out of it (exegesis). Another way to describe this practice is “lucky dipping” or seeking guidance and hope by reading random verses in Scripture and assigning meaning to them regardless of their context.2 This approach leads to a misunderstanding of what the Bible actually teaches and to disillusionment when the supposed promises do not come true.

A woman who had gotten involved in an extramarital affair came to me for counseling, and I found that one of the causes leading to her sin was a false hope based on misinterpreted Scripture. Several years before, her father had threatened to leave her mother and she found refuge from her fears by reading Matthew 18:19, “If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” This woman found a Christian friend who agreed with her that her father should stay with her mother, and they prayed and expected God to keep them together. Her hopes were dashed, however, because her father left her mother anyway. In the woman’s mind God had failed to keep His Word, and her faith was severely damaged. Doubt and bitterness toward God grew in her heart until finally she broke her marriage vows and got involved with another man.

Unfortunately, her hope was based on a misinterpretation of Scripture. Matthew 18:19 is part of a passage discussing church discipline (vv. 15–20) and has no direct application to prayer.3 God never had promised her that He would keep her father and mother together simply because she and her friend agreed together in prayer. Showing her that her hope had been false and that God had not been unfaithful to His Word was an important step in bringing her back to holiness.

As counselors, we need to challenge the hopes that people hold when we are concerned that they might be false. When we do, however, we need to realize that the response we receive may be rather unpleasant. While true hope usually holds firm even when someone challenges it, those who hold a false hope tend to get upset when their hope is called into question. An example of this phenomenon is the story of Micaiah the prophet in 2 Chronicles 18. He prophesied against King Ahab’s confidence that Israel could conquer the Arameans (a hope that had been bolstered by four hundred men who claimed to be prophets), so Ahab had him thrown into prison (vv. 16–19; 26). Micaiah suffered only because he had the courage and concern to challenge the king’s false hope.

Micaiah was right, by the way—the Israelites were routed and Ahab died in the battle. We must be careful not to provide false hope as a temporary comfort, and we must be willing to examine and challenge the basis of our counselees’ hopes. We must not allow them to build hope on an unbiblical foundation that will topple when the storms come (cf. Luke 6:47–49).