How can Christians love the LGTBQ community well without compromising truth?
Source: Denison Forum
Disclaimer: In the following excerpt from Bruce B. Miller’s Leading a Church in a Time of Sexual Questioning, he largely treats his position that same-sex activity is sinful as an assumption his readers will share. However, that stance is not readily transparent in the following excerpt.
Due to the oftentimes divisive nature of the discussions surrounding the topic of homosexuality, Denison Forum wants to make it explicitly clear that we likewise believe the Bible’s condemnation of same-sex activity. However, that does not mean that homosexuals are any further away from God’s redemption than any other sinful person. For a longer discussion, see “What does the Bible say about same-sex activity?”
Now, consider this excerpt, where Miller offers a very helpful guide for how we can better think about our approach to this issue in light of both the gospel message and the larger context of God’s approach to fallen humanity.
An excerpt from Leading a Church in a Time of Sexual Questioning by Bruce B. Miller
One Sunday in December during the season of Advent, I felt led by the Spirit to invite any lesbian and gay people listening to my sermon to come talk with me and tell me their stories.
Being “felt led by the Spirit” and having “[something] on my heart” are two different things not to be confused. Miller’s appeal to such authority is very misleading. God’s Holy Spirit does not lead people to seek acceptance; the human heart does. God’s Holy Spirit leads people to seek repentance.
God gave us emotions like guilt and shame to help us avoid ungodly lifestyles, not engage in them. They help us to “lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.” They are not to motivate us to twist the world around to accept our depravity.
Instead of feeling compassion for the families torn apart by this sin and seeking to comfort the Bride of Christ to meet Jesus, Miller seeks to expand the destructive seeker sensitive church mentality to include the darkest elements of our world. He does this by chiding those closest to the source of the wounds. He is not alone in this.
We are not to seek the favor of men let alone those most deviant among us. There are important reasons for this which I will get to later in this post.
Gal 1:10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.
On my heart was how difficult the holidays are for many lesbians and gays whether they have come out to their families or not. Almost invariably, not all the family is fully welcoming at the Christmas celebration. I shared that I wanted to shower each one with the Father’s unconditional love.
Some took me up on my offer and I had several multi-hour fruitful conversations, all of which were healthy but also all included elements of pain. Too many stories had this plot line: “I grew up involved in church and tried to follow Jesus. Then as a teenager I experienced unwanted same-sex attractions that I tried to get rid of. They created unspeakable pain, confusion, and shame. When I tried to talk about how I was feeling, I was made to feel even more ashamed, and was told to tell no one. I was prayed over, but felt shunned and unwelcomed. This led to isolation and depression, even suicidal thoughts, until finally I left the church to find love and acceptance somewhere else.”
Spiritual magnets
Christians simply must invest more thoughtfully in the lives of LGBT+ people (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and other [+] sexual and gender minorities). If we do, we will hear more stories filled with grace and overflowing with love.
Can you imagine that the sinners who were drawing near to Jesus ever left him depressed and wanting to kill themselves? The despised people of Jesus’ day were drawn to him like to a magnet, so much so that the Jewish religious people (even core leaders) were upset.
Well, I can think of many who left Jesus unhappy. Judas for one (Matt 27:5). All those the writer of Hebrews had in mind who were the likes of Esau (Heb 12:17). All the people that relented and sought the Lord after He gave them up to captivity in the Old Testament. Very many gay people today, very many lesbians, very many addicts, very many ministers in fact who leave Jesus behind to hold on to their sins in pursuit of acceptance rather than repentance. Why has your countenance fallen? (Gen 4:6)
They are everywhere and it is only natural in our fallen state to turn to our sin for comfort. It takes supernatural work to cut through all that plagues us to overcome it. Jesus came doing no wrong and working miracles, yet most rejected Him and worked to have Him killed. If He was a magnet, He was of the kind that pushes everything away. Only those who were brokenhearted over the sinful things they were doing in the eyes of God were granted supernatural power to overcome the power of sin that dominated their lives. I’m not talking about perfection but the power to “crucify the flesh with its passions and desires.” Gal 5:24
As Christ-followers we, too, want to be spiritual magnets who draw people to the light and love of Jesus who can give them eternal life. And yet gay and lesbian people avoid churches like the plague. They often assume they will be hated and viewed as disgusting.
Even if they come, they will try to act like they are straight so that no one notices them and thus won’t judge them. As Bill Henson says in his Posture Shift workshops: “A gospel that excludes or rejects has no power to reach already banished and mistreated persons. We must offer greater acceptance and inclusion in order to foster spiritual identity formation in LGBT+ people — as with any people.”
Let me talk about the “+” in LGBT+ here for a moment.
“Transability is defined as the desire or the need for a person who is identified as able-bodied to obtain some kind of physical impairment or disability. So people actually have their limbs amputated or do things to cause themselves to be paralyzed because they feel that they’re disabled and they don’t want to live as a fully-abled person.” (Sited from the interview mentioned below.)
This is something new. When God makes it clear that His judgment includes turning a society over to have a depraved mind, at what point are we going to get a clue. Sexual deviance is a dangerous life threatening lifestyle. Mutilating one’s body to change gender is mutilation. Amputating a limb is destructive. Satan has written a script to destroy the human race and God has turned us over to follow it.
The church’s dismal track record
My wife and I have invited some gay friends to our church, assuring them they will be accepted. We invite them to sit with us and pledge to protect them from the odd person who might say something off-color. But some still will not come.
In fact, the church’s track record on responding to gay people is so dismal that millennials are leaving the church based on how the church has mistreated gay people. The gospel is at stake! If we do not love and embrace young gay Christians, then when they embrace a gay identity, we need to accept that some of the fault might be ours.
In our church recently:
- A mom and dad sought my counsel because their daughter announced she was engaged to another woman.
- A young man confessed that he just broke up with his boyfriend and wants to follow Christ.
- A lady asked if she could tell people at the church that she is a lesbian and wonders if she is welcome.
- Several teenagers have confessed romantic feelings that made them worry they are gay or bisexual.
- A gay teen has experienced teasing in youth group and worries that reporting it will yield retribution — or even greater isolation and mistreatment
Of all places our churches should be a safe refuge because we believe in the amazing, unconditional grace of God in Jesus Christ.
How does all this make the families that have a member of their families ripped away from them? I don’t even think God has the resources to deal with this let alone the Church.
We confess that we are all sinners desperately in need of that grace. No one can out-sin the grace of God. We believe that the truth of God will set us free. We know obedience leads to blessing, always.
My heart rejoices with same-sex attracted men and women who have courageously chosen to be celibate for Christ. Would they be accepted in your church without qualification or hesitation?
Sides in a war?
We must provide space and grace for those who are devoted to following Jesus and at the same time are same-sex attracted. It grieves me that at this moment in our culture, the sides have been drawn so that often a person feels forced to choose between being gay or being a Christian, as if you must choose sides in a war.
Christians must rise above the cultural war to care for real people. We need to hold the hands of those struggling with inner temptations and confusions. The church is called to be the place of grace in this sinful world. There is no shadow for shame to hide beneath the cross of Jesus. The arms of God are the safest place there is. The Father sent his Son to die for each one of us while we were still sinners.
Jesus said there was a very narrow road that leads to those arms. Consider all the miracles He did in light of how many people were following Him. He must have been saying something!
If we are going to represent Christ to people, then we must be willing to pour love on people who may still be sinning. Who are we kidding? We are all still sinning. Will we self-righteously judge those whose temptations differ from ours? Who will cast the first stone? We should be all grace and all truth.
Truth and grace are not in conflict but are united in love. Sometimes Christians hesitate to share that gay sex is sinful. While context and timing are crucial, God’s truth is good for us. We want blessings in our friends’ lives.
Jesus Christ is our Savior and our model. Consider how Jesus talked to tax collectors. They were despised and avoided by religious people. And yet Jesus went to parties at their homes and had dinner with them. He did not affirm their sin but their humanity and shared the Father’s love for them.
Does acceptance equal approval?
After services on Sunday, a lady in our church came to ask me a question. She said she is in a Bible study with a neighbor who describes herself as a lesbian. (Inside I was celebrating.) Then she asked me if she should continue since she did not want to communicate that she approved of being lesbian!
I held myself back emotionally.
My goodness, I would be thrilled if more people in my church had relationships with their neighbors, much less be in a Bible study! And with all the hatred and conflict between gays and Christians, what a wonder, blessing, and joy to be studying the Bible together.
Jesus did not worry about whether religious people thought he might be affirming a tax collector’s “chosen lifestyle”! He enjoyed dinner with Zacchaeus and the party at Matthew’s house. We have to show our people Jesus and how to follow him. Association does not equal affirmation. May the people of our churches be accused like Jesus of being a friend to sinners.
There are a lot of sinners with whom Jesus is angry with every day. Like these mentioned in this conversation my friend received the other day.
PICTURE HERE
A mom called me in sobs over her daughter who had married a woman and was having a child with her partner. The mom confessed she had not responded with love when she first found out. After hearing me encourage her to show unconditional love and grace, she asked, “but where is the line?” In other words, at what point would her love possibly communicate approval?
My counsel was that there is no line.
Jesus did not worry that his unconditional love might confuse people into thinking that he approved of sin and neither should we. I prayed this mom would love her daughter extravagantly. She asked what I thought of asking her daughter to meet her halfway.
My response was to suggest she not do that.
So much for this pastor protecting his flock. So much for this pastor comforting the families who have just been ripped in two because of such an unnatural sin.
Jesus never worried that His truth telling might confuse people into thinking that He did not love them and neither should we. All the Apostles but one was killed because they kept holding to the truth instead of figuring out how to put their arms around every creature that walked up to them. Even most doctors understand the importance of speaking the truth to patience facing life threatening diseases. He isn’t interested in showing acceptance or being accepted. And what we are talking about here is far worse than that.
Jesus does not meet us halfway. He went all the way from heaven to earth to join our humanity. He went all the way to the cross while we were still sinners, and so should we go all the way in loving others.
This article is adapted from “Leading a Church in a Time of Sexual Questioning” by Bruce B. Miller, pastor of Christ Fellowship Church in McKinney, Texas. See BruceBMiller.com for more information.
My response follows
Who are we kidding?
Miller’s “spirit led” excerpt reminds me of some belligerent children who choose to play in the middle of a freeway. Although the “dismal church” instilled values in our society years ago that led them to fence off these dangerous places, some people nonetheless despise these barriers and climb over them anyway.
And then Miller has the audacity to pitch his gospel to those who honk and swerve and screech. He says “STOP!!! REPENT!!! Go the other way.” He questions our compassion!
We have felt sorry for these kids and the chains that bind them. We have provided safe spaces and abundant grace for those children more than any other nation on earth. Ask any if they would like to take their chances in any other culture or society on earth. Nonetheless, even though we have done this for them it does not help them. Instead, they multiply; HOW?
Miller disregards the nature of sin. Sin KILLS. The Bible warns that sin grows like a fungus or like leaven. Miller forgets what God said to Cain. Sin has to be treated with a fork and a knife, not a spoon. It grows to usurp not just the body and domain God put us in, but it usurps whole families, churches, communities, societies, and nations. (Inside I’m saying Read the Bible.)
Jesus did not worry that His truth telling might confuse people into thinking that He did not love people and neither should we. (Inside I am celebrating.)
I know with certainty that preaching a message contrary to God’s Gospel will not work. Miller’s Gospel asks, “Will we self-righteously judge those whose temptations differ from ours?” Miller’s Gospel says, “Some temptations have overtaken us that are not common to man.” Miller’s Gospel says, “God is not faithful and will allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able.” Miller’s Gospel says, “God provides no way of escape and we should never have to endure such things.”
Yes, let’s stop honking at those kids who are oblivious to the zooming cars and trucks. (Inside my tongue is in my cheek.) Let’s stop swerving and complaining about those kids who choose to play in the street. Let’s just slow down to a stop, abandon our vehicles, and walk with them. That will save them and then we can all sing a new song together in unison, “When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” (Inside my hands are waving like a conductor.)
Miller needs to be reminded that truth and grace are not in conflict but are united in love AND JUSTICE. Love does not act unbecoming and does not seek its own, and does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. (Inside I am celebrating.)
Love reminds people that our Creator is angry with the sinner every day. Love reminds people that He said the soul that sins will die. God has killed every single person that has ever lived. How has that stopped alarming us? How has telling a patient he has cancer and is going to die unless he seeks help anathema?
Love reminds people Jesus did not come to bring peace, but a sword. Love reminds people, “If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell.” If any sinner is willing to do that I will help them. (Inside I am speaking figuratively.) If they are not willing to do that then I will not stop warning them. (Inside I’m thinking John the Baptist.)
Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes! ~God
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. ~God
Will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” ~God
Flee from the wrath to come. Crucify the flesh. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Submit therefore to God. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.
This is the message that needs to enter the ear of those kids playing in the street. If we are going to represent Christ to people, then we must be willing to speak the truth in love to people who may still be sinning in a dangerous world.
Who are we kidding?
Many, many more important issues to consider and are raised and discussed in the following interview.
Homosexuality and Today’s Moral Slide
“Gordon College, with the Accreditation Association, just came up with 14 new initiatives at the college to make the gay/lesbian/queer/transgender community comfortable. It was actually called the Boston Missionary Training Society now introduced 14 initiatives to accommodate the students, and the reason was they had admitted them to the school and then they told them in the handbook that they couldn’t have sex relationships, and they were sued for that and they caved in.”